“This can’t last. This misery can’t last. I must remember that and try to control myself. Nothing lasts really. Neither happiness nor despair. Not even life lasts very long. There’ll come a time in the future when I shan’t mind about this anymore, when I can look back and say quite peacefully and cheerfully how silly I was. No, no, I don’t want that time to come ever. I want to remember every minute, always, always to the end of my days.”
—Brief Encounter (1945)
April 2011
I have to blog about my virgin massage experience man. I realise I have never actually gone for tui na/massage or whatever before (everytime I go the sinseh it’s either acupunture/ba kuan) and today I realise there’s a great deal of reason why I subconsciously stay away from massage. Because I’m effing ticklish!! I think my pain tolerance is quite high already lor but if it’s ticklish I just cannot take it man.
As I was waiting for my turn I felt no emotion haha but when I went up the bed thingy, and the woman started pressing my arm as I was lying down, it tickled a hell lot and I couldn’t stop laughing and squirming. And it was just my under arm - nothing particularly ticklish for a normal person. Anyway, she also massaged my calves, thighs, back, shoulders and BUTT. I’m not sure if “massage” is enough to encompass the pain that comes with all that hardcore pressing and kneading but massaging my butt is the worst and most painful thing everrrr. I never knew butt massage could hurt so freaking much because after all your butt is just layers of fats right?! But no I was wrong!! It hurts like a bitchhhhh. I’d say like something pierced and penetrated your butt but that’s just wrong. And when she pressed my back I literally just died. So basically the 20 minutes were spent squirming around because it was so ticklish and half-screaming because it’s freaking painful. I think this aptly describes ku xiao bu de. I looked like someone was trying to force poison down me.
Never. Again.
Anyway, I was walking home from compass point and there’s this cross junction road on the way home and half of the road had posters belonging to Sengkang West GRC and the other half belonged to Punggol-Pasir Ris. I think it’s always interesting to see boundaries in their physicality.
I’ve finally been to the SALT center in HC today for the above mentioned torture. It’s not as impressive as I thought it’d be. Anyway the place was filled with __ which reminded me a lot of __ haish.Today was just a sleepy and annoying day and I dont understand why I could be in bed at 2 and only fall asleep at 3.
Time check 12.47am. Can’t believe it’s Friday tomorrow, the week has been passing so quickly. The only interesting stuff that happened this week was the TP match plus the OCS visit.
The former was a mercy rule game 20-0. The latter was surprisingly interesting. Walking through the tent thingy was like playing haunted house. Cheap thrills. I had the only working night vision goggles (which were apparently spoilt. the ones that are in working condition supposed to time out after 15 seconds, so says the guy) and I was at the front of the line. While navigating through the pitch dark area, I saw this thing dressed in army clothes. My first reaction was shock but after that I thought it was a dummy and wow, coool they actually put a dummy in this tent to scare us hohoho and so I happily told everyone. At the end of the tent, this voice came out from nowhere “Can you return the goggles now?” and I screamed and literally jumped backwards, grabbing onto Bun. I swear it was freaking freaky.. But I embarrassed myself a whole lot haha.
Shooting guns isn’t as thrilling as I imagined it to be. It’s just this long thing that you rest against on your shoulder and then you pull the trigger and bam. But it was an interesting experience anyway. The whole OCS campus is just super huge, btw. And oh we got to try their food, which actually tasted quite okay until the guy happily told us that we ate 9 year old chicken pasta. I swear in that moment I heard the chicken pasta laughing at me hahaha. Okay no.
OCS is all cool and stuff, and it seems pretty therapeutic to be in. If I were a guy, and a fit one, I would join OCS without hesitation man.
We had training today, which was mildly draining. Shifting all the fences, wires and machine before I finally got to hit machine balls. But my batting sibeh cui D: I actually have blisters on my thumbs even when I wore batting gloves. And then fielding also kns. I hope I’m not in some slumping period -.-
Anyway, so many interesting things have happened but I can’t actually remember them. Basically it was just a lot of wrong and weird and funny conversations with people around. People are such good distractions..
How can you ever be very close to someone you are afraid will leave? This is ironic because people you are afraid will leave you are people that matter a lot to you, and you should be close to. Weird? And people don’t actually have to physically leave to leave. Their hearts are flying in a million pieces to anywhere but back here. The sad thing is you know nothing about this and I know everything I’d rather not know.
It occurs to me that I may be tired. Some part of me wishes what I’ve try to hold together (it never should have been this way) can just end, right now so all this will justify itself.
Time check 1.02am.
I don't know how people could draw a hand like this;
When I draw a hand, it looks like this;
What is wrong with Twilight
A normal person’s reaction to when someone tell you they’re 108 years old.
Bella’s reaction.
I’m falling asleep as I type this post. And I have to backspace so many times because of the numerous typos I am making.
There have been too many emotions around. There should be a shutter that shuts off all emotions when needed. There probably is one but it is not activated yet. It’ll be quite sad and depressing when that actually starts working.
Where are you? I don’t like this.
Too many disjointed thoughts too. Too many things to deal with and too many things to do. Too little time, too little energy, too little courage and too little effort. I’m convinced of the fruitlessness of this. Life should just be full of sleeping. It’s the most productive.
The briefest of encounters. I wish I didn’t have to deal with this and it didn’t have to come to this. I say it doesn’t matter, but it does. I know it does but still I say it doesn’t.
More disjointed thoughts.
The night invokes many funny emotions that you thought you had control over. It’s when you’re tired, and your mind wanders.
This post doesn’t make any sense. I’m sleeping.
I spend my time imagining shit that'll never happen.
Taking a nap in the afternoon and waking up not sure if it's a new day or not.
